Mar 14

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How 20 pounds are keeping you from living the life of your dreams

A guest post by the author of Curly Girl Fit Life

The constant pursuit of weight loss is keeping you from connecting with your passion & your purpose. In a nutshell, trying to be thin has prevented you from living your BEST life.


There, I said it.


I know that some people may not agree with this nor do they even understand it. In fact, I’ve been asked “How else can I lose weight if I’m not always working on it???”


How many times a day do you spend focused the weight you need to lose, what you’re going to eat next, how you’re going to avoid the chocolate chip cookies in the break room?


Now, I want you to think about what you could be doing with all that extra time. Lots of stuff, right?


I spent over 2 decades looking for the next new diet to come along and save me (it never showed up, by the way). The effort and energy I put into losing weight felt like a SECOND JOB! I literally pushed the pause button on my own life: I didn’t go out much, I refused to go to the beach because that meant I would need to wear a bathing suit, I spent NO time following my passion and purpose in life. While I regret the time that I wasted counting calories and chasing a number on a scale, I’m grateful that I no longer have “diet brain” and I’m doing things now that I wanted to do 15 years ago.


If you’re sitting on the sidelines of YOUR life until you get skinny, I have a few suggestions for you:


1. Chase a feeling, NOT a number: you didn’t wake up every morning and say “I can’t wait to feel hungry and irritable today”, but this is what you usually get when you start a new diet or weight loss plan. What feelings do you want to experience every day? Words like energy, pleasure, freedom, and happiness might come to mind. Guess what? Diets won’t give you any of these things. People who are living their BEST lives are not deprived, hungry, lethargic, and confused about what to eat.

2. Stop negotiating: this is the mental bargaining you do with yourself when you try to calculate how long you need to work out to counteract the {insert favorite food here} that you just ate. The conversation goes something like this: “You can have this cheeseburger, but you’ll have to do an extra 5 miles on the treadmill, and if it comes with fries, that’s an extra 10 miles…deal?”. It’s such a waste of mental energy…energy that could be used to cure cancer or end world hunger. Ok, it’s a bit of a stretch, but you get what I’m saying.

3. Lay down your weapons: when you’re on a perpetual weight-loss quest, you view your body as something separate…this “thing” that is outside yourself. This thing that needs to be controlled, managed, punished, and beaten into submission. Treating your body as something separate does NOT work. What you fight, fights back.


It’s NEVER too late to turn things around and discover your passion & purpose. Once I finally stopped playing the weight loss game, I quit my corporate job and launched a coaching business to show other women how to stop counting calories, points, and carbs so that they can finally live a life of their dreams.


You know when you have something that’s so incredible, you just want everyone else to experience it too? That’s why I do what I do.


You can have this feeling too…it’s waiting for you!


A little about Melissa

Melissa Toler is a food lover, fitness fanatic, lifestyle coach, and motivational speaker. She is obsessed with helping women jump off the dieting rollercoaster and into their BEST LIVES. Melissa is committed to helping women uncover a side of themselves that they always knew was there, but don’t know what to do about it.

Read Melissa’s blog and find out about upcoming events over at www.melissatoler.com. Oh, and don’t forget to join the conversation over at www.facebook.com/curlygirlfitlife and https://twitter.com/MelissaDToler.

Permanent link to this article: http://www.get-fit-naturally.org/2014/03/how-20-pounds-are-keeping-you-from-living-the-life-of-your-dreams-2/


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  1. lindsay

    i love this! chasing a feeling is soooo much better. well said!

    1. Melissa

      Thanks, Lindsay! I’m glad you liked the article. We all know at least one BRILLIANT woman letting her weight hold her back… share this with her!

  2. Jody - Fit at 56

    LOVE THIS!! Life goes by way too quickly says this 56 year old! 🙂

    1. Melissa

      Thanks, Jody! I know…it seems like after 35, the years get shorter and shorter. No time to wait…live your BEST life NOW!

  3. Kelly @ Leafy Not Beefy

    LOVE this!! In fact, I think I might print your article out and read it at a TOPS (take off pounds sensibly) meeting next week.

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